Category Archives: Personal

Fuckin Perfect

I have fallen in love with this song. When I sing it, I feel like I am singing to that insecure, lost girl inside of me and singing this is a reminder to her that she is fuckin perfect.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice.
Dug my way out, blood and fire.
Bad decisions, that’s alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood.
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’, it didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated.
Look I’m still around.

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you’re nothing.
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me!

You’re so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong.
Change the voices, in your head, make them like you instead.
So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of.
Chased down all my demons, i’ve seen you do the same.

Woah ohh, pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you’re nothing.
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me.

The whole world’s scared so I swallow the fear.
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere.
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair.
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time.
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel.
Like you’re nothing, you’re fuckin’ perfect to me yeahhh.
You’re perfect, you’re perfect!
Oh pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you’re nothing.
You are perfect to me…


Let Go

Easy to say, easy to write.
Simple concept, simple words.

Let Go. How do I let go?

Can I cut up those words and swallow them into my being?
Can I paint those words on my body and have them seep into my soul?

Let go of what was.
Let go of who I was.
Let go and just be.

So easy. So simple.

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Spring Cleaning of my Psyche

I feel a need to do some spring cleaning of my mind, body and heart. Possibly I am breaking out of yet another cocoon, but I will do what I feel I need to, as I keep living. Like deleting my old blog and moving it to here, without telling anyone I know personally.

My mind has been filled with a bit of anxiety about life, purpose, love, happiness, peace, friendship. I don’t really see this changing, but I’m trying to let go and just accept that I can only be where I’m suppose to be.

My body, I have been treating somewhat badly. I need to intake more fruit, vegetables, water, exercise and less alcohol and late nights.

My heart, oh my heart. I have been angry, depressed, broken, lost. I’ve let myself feel passion, connection, but oh am I wary of letting anyone in too close. I want love, yes, I would let it burn and consume me again, but I don’t know if I’m even capable of a real relationship right now because like my blog name says, I need to find some Inner Love for myself first.

Innocence and Vulnerability

Do you remember your first love? Do you remember the heartbreak afterward? Do you remember losing a bit of something precious, something innocent when that first love washed away into the past?

Usually we encounter first love as an adolescent, and consequently our first heartbreak afterward. For most it is part of the mark of passage from child to adult and we learn things from that first experience. After the heartache has disappeared, some still hold on to the intangible belief of soul mates and say words like “forever”, “always” and “meant to be” without a bitter undertone. Some do not; which doesn’t mean they don’t believe in love and happiness, but their view of the world is a bit tainted with the knowledge that sometimes love doesn’t last. Sometimes love isn’t enough.

Most have experienced love/heartbreak multiple times by the time they are in their 30s. I have experienced it once. I have only loved one man in my life and my heart broke with it’s ending. For so long I lived in a world where I only had experienced love, and so I believed in forever after, why wouldn’t I? But when you live in a bubble made of glass, it doesn’t take much for the world to shatter it when it has a mind to.

While I lost my innocence a long time ago, there is a feeling of losing something precious and innocent with the end of my first love. And now I feel a bit vulnerable to a world that is a bit harsh and a bit mean and a bit unfeeling. I feel like a dam has broken inside of me and I am clamoring to close it back up to no avail. But I am coming to terms with being lost, to being vulnerable to the senses, to being accepting of finding myself washed away downstream. To see that the world has more to offer me and if I don’t close my eyes I will see something spectacular along the way.

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

It is not normal for me to collect things, neither am I a pack rat or overly sentimental, nor is it normal for me take wisdom from fortune cookies. Nonetheless, I have collected the last 5 fortunes I have received over the last few months. If I believed in a higher power, I might think someone is trying to tell me something.

Day 7: What I am looking forward to

1. Selling my first art piece
2. Visiting friends scattered across Florida
3. Making love with a man
4. Meeting new people
5. Getting reconnected with old friends
6. A week in California in July
7. Dancing the night away
8. Visiting a new museum
9. Impromptu fun!

Yes, I Can. Yes, I Will. Yes.

The gravity of a painful past and an unknown future pushes on me, and I in turn push back.

Be it good or bad, fate or not, this is life and I shall take whatever life wants to throw at me. I will be grateful for the things I have and while this was not where I wanted to be, maybe this is an opportunity to do… ANYTHING.

So I am going to try to do the things I thought I couldn’t do, but want to. Which means trying to become an artist, travel and leave my heart open to love again.

Maybe, just maybe, this is where I’m suppose to be. So, following the lead of a persuasive friend, I am going to say YES! Yes to all life has to offer because Life is too short.