Author Archives: Inner Love

About Inner Love

I want: Passion. Desire. To create Cosmos. I want: Expression. Depth. Meaning. I want: Joy. Laughter. Love. I want: Life.

Painting Productivity

Painting has become a vital part of my life. I’ve realized now how much I rely on painting as a form of release. I love it, can get fully absorbed in it and it reduces my stress and helps keep my sanity intact. These are all the paintings I’ve finished since the last one I posted many months ago.

The top two are part of my black and white thematic hand set. The streetlamp is an independent painting. The rest are little 5″x5″ paintings that are part of my “hope blossom” series, abstract flowers that are meant to inspire hope.

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San Diego Comic Con 2011

This was my very first Con. It was a very entertaining, memorable and unique experience. While I am familiar with movies, tv series, comics, video games, I did realize that I certainly do not have the level of obsession that many of the people at the Con had. Twilight fans are a prime example as they waited days to get into their panel. The George R.R. Martin panel also had people waiting all day and even after all that wait, thousands didn’t get in. But I did get to see some panels, preview some upcoming movies and went to the panel for Batman: Year One, where they showed the full animated movie.

And it was a spectacular place for people watching. I found I really enjoyed walking around the Exhibit Hall where the vendors plied their wares and where the majority of the people in costume were strutting around. And yes, I did wear a costume. I made a trip to the other coast for a Comic Con convention, of course I would have a costume. I had people ask to take my picture, I was hit on a few times and one guy told me he loved me. In no way common, I found it was flattering and uncomfortable at the same time.

Would I go again? No…unless I lived there. If I lived there I could see myself get a 1 day pass (instead of 4 days) and get in costume, see a panel or two, walk the Exhibit Hall and spend the evening in downtown. But I am told Comic Con is quite different from Dragon Con…maybe I’ll visit Dragon Con, who knows.


A real post, a glimpse into my life and a costume

Not counting the occasional song posting, which takes no effort, it has been quite some time since I’ve written on my blog.

Life has been on the move, a roller coaster ride, and I don’t know who’s running the controls. I’ve had highs that make me think I will eventually get everything I want and I’ve had lows that bring me to my knees, making me question everything I am and everything I do.

Life now? I paint, I dance, I travel when I can afford it, I spend time with friends. And I think… I think about moving out of state, I think about having kids, I think about my past and my future, I think about pain, passion, connection, letting go, I think about love.

I find life bitter AND sweet, but I am grateful. Grateful for everyone who loves me, supports me and believes in me. I am grateful that divorce did not crush my spirit and my hope. I am grateful that no matter how low I get, I find the strength to get back up, to see the beauty around me, to follow whatever path life takes me, even if it isn’t the one I planned for.

To end, I shall add two pictures. The first is a photo I took while in California a few months ago and the second is a photo of a costume I shall be wearing when I go back to California in a few weeks for Comic Con.



Nature Take Me

Let the fiery sun burn me

Let the crashing ocean drown me

Let the fertile earth bury me

Let your nature take all of me

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Happy

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I’m just trying to be happy
Just wanna be happy


Something to hold onto

while I wrestle with demons and appetites, I cling to you

(I’m trying futilely to keep you on the other side of my my walls. Where is this thrilling, unpredictable path you are leading us down? Where is it leading my weary heart?)


Fuckin Perfect

I have fallen in love with this song. When I sing it, I feel like I am singing to that insecure, lost girl inside of me and singing this is a reminder to her that she is fuckin perfect.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice.
Dug my way out, blood and fire.
Bad decisions, that’s alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood.
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’, it didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated.
Look I’m still around.

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you’re nothing.
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me!

You’re so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong.
Change the voices, in your head, make them like you instead.
So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of.
Chased down all my demons, i’ve seen you do the same.

Woah ohh, pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you’re nothing.
You’re fuckin’ perfect to me.

The whole world’s scared so I swallow the fear.
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere.
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair.
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time.
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel.
Like you’re nothing, you’re fuckin’ perfect to me yeahhh.
You’re perfect, you’re perfect!
Oh pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel.
Like you’re less than fuckin’ perfect.
Pretty please, if you ever ever feel, like you’re nothing.
You are perfect to me…