Do you remember your first love? Do you remember the heartbreak afterward? Do you remember losing a bit of something precious, something innocent when that first love washed away into the past?
Usually we encounter first love as an adolescent, and consequently our first heartbreak afterward. For most it is part of the mark of passage from child to adult and we learn things from that first experience. After the heartache has disappeared, some still hold on to the intangible belief of soul mates and say words like “forever”, “always” and “meant to be” without a bitter undertone. Some do not; which doesn’t mean they don’t believe in love and happiness, but their view of the world is a bit tainted with the knowledge that sometimes love doesn’t last. Sometimes love isn’t enough.
Most have experienced love/heartbreak multiple times by the time they are in their 30s. I have experienced it once. I have only loved one man in my life and my heart broke with it’s ending. For so long I lived in a world where I only had experienced love, and so I believed in forever after, why wouldn’t I? But when you live in a bubble made of glass, it doesn’t take much for the world to shatter it when it has a mind to.
While I lost my innocence a long time ago, there is a feeling of losing something precious and innocent with the end of my first love. And now I feel a bit vulnerable to a world that is a bit harsh and a bit mean and a bit unfeeling. I feel like a dam has broken inside of me and I am clamoring to close it back up to no avail. But I am coming to terms with being lost, to being vulnerable to the senses, to being accepting of finding myself washed away downstream. To see that the world has more to offer me and if I don’t close my eyes I will see something spectacular along the way.