When someone dies, it is tragic. All the possibilities vanish. Love, pain, happiness, failure, success, family, friendship; all these will disappear, or never even get a chance to come to pass. However, is suicide even more tragic because they willing took away those possibilities? That all they see is darkness and the only escape (freedom?) is death?
Why does one person break while another in a similar situation does not? Are they missing a vital trait: strength, perseverance, optimism, hope? Is it something that can be learned, to bend to the demands and hardship of life, to take the pain and agony and move on, to carry the sad, awful, heartbreaking moments and still have room for the good ones?
Everyone has been humiliated, hurt, pushed down. Do you take those moments and learn from them, grow from them, be a better person because of them?
As the saying goes: Life isn’t fair. Life doesn’t give us second chances, but the scars you carry, inside and out, don’t have to bleed continuously.
There is no national data, but I believe the statistic is 1 out of 4 people will attempt to commit suicide. That is a terribly sad statistic. Personally I have known several people who have tried, but thankfully were unsuccessful. Outsiders can look on and wonder why, they had smiles on their faces, they had friends, family, the future ahead of them. I don’t wonder.
I have seen and touched, NO, I have been fully immersed in my darkness and it is a painful and lonely place. I still carry things around with me that come upon me at random moments that dim the lights and cast shadows. It seems that sometimes I conjure up the shadows purposefully to hurt myself and take pleasure in this self inflicting pain. I stare out of myself and exam the failures and the missteps, ponder over the choices I’ve made. While I have dragged myself through the dirt, I kept going. I kept reaching out… I keep reaching out… for love, for peace of mind, for forgiveness, for hope. I have changed, more inside than out, but change was needed. It was vital to moving forward and living my life.
Life is a beautiful struggle. It is a choice to live and that means to take it all or nothing.