Outside: I smile, I laugh, I connect, I sympathize, I try new things, I paint, I look for love, I joke, I am grateful, I move on.
Inside: I cry, I get angry, I hate, I turn away, I feel worthless, I get emotional, I close down, I stop.
Yesterday I helped an older man at work who told me that if people were nice and smiled like I did, all the time, the world would be a much better place. It surprises me how one comment from a total stranger can touch me and make me feel like maybe tomorrow(in the general sense) will be a better day.
Sometimes I feel like I am just passing through this life and my impact is unsubstantial. Sometimes it takes effort to get up and face the world when I feel so sad and lost inside. Sometimes it feels like the only road I ever traveled on suddenly disappeared and I was left behind in the darkness.
And sometimes I see that I have so much inside me to give. That I have so much in my life that is meaningful and worthy. That through experiencing life, the good and the bad, I have more to offer others and to myself. On these days the sun comes out and I see myself with someone I love, with a family of my own, with friends who are dear to me. On these days, all roads open up in front of me.